You know, I just had a thought. Its kind of a strange thought but it really was interesting. I have always been kind of fascinated by sports cars (who isn’t…that’s a rhetorical question) and envious of those who own them, but I had a realization. Let’s take, for example, the porsche boxster. Its a nice, well-rounded, well-balanced sports car. Granted, its a convertible, but don’t get me started about that. So we have this porsche (and while I am at it, don’t call it POR-sha, it sounds bad, I don’t care if its right or not). It has razor edged handling and firm ride control, a slick shifter and a clutch as smooth as silk. It has copious amounts of horsepower and torque useful for pressing you into the back of your seat as you sail off into the sunset. Well, isn’t that a nice vision.

So you go to the porsche dealership to buy the boxster of your dreams and you see one of those ad posters and it shows a boxster ripping along a windy road at speeds twice the speed limit, flying around corners with reckless abandon. Sounds like a wonderful fantasy, right?

I don’t know about you, but the last time I drove anywhere, I hit more potholes than windy roads. So, all these luxury features and all these performance features, at least they aren’t going to waste of course. I have the razor edged handling that will come in handy so I can get stuck behind an SUV that can go around the cloverleaf no faster than 10 mph before the driver’s head comes too close to the outside of the corner for comfort. I can of course, experience its sharp-edged ride, which it will remind me of every time I drive it anywhere on a city street and every pothole reverberates through the cockpit and slams up my spine. I can enjoy the wide open throttle and tremendous thrust pushing me into the back of my seat as I accelerate to 20 mph in yet another traffic jam. I can use those gigantic brakes to pull me to a stop just in time to keep from rear-ending the guy that just cut me off…again. And best of all, I can enjoy the convertible top as I slide it down and inhale the fresh country breeze, rendered completely unfit for breathing by the noxious diesel fumes spewed by the school bus I am stuck behind in an 8 mile long backup on I-5. I can enjoy the silky clutch as my left leg cramps when I try to depress it for the 500th time in traffic. All these useful features, they must be quite expensive, yet well worth the money. So for $50,000 I could buy myself a car that is wonderful for driving on freshly paved, speed limit-less, curvy, winding mountain roads. Since there are so many of those conveniently located nearby, I should immediately rush out and buy one of these things. I have no idea why anyone else hasn’t pounced on this incredible opportunity.

Then again, I guess there is one advantage to a lovely porsche boxster, at least you won’t feel nearly as guilty as the poor bastard who spent $60,000 to buy his slick new Yukon XL when you drive up to the pump and get $20 of gas, and not $60. That certainly settles it then, this must be the car for me, in fact, it sounds like just the perfect car for everyone. I think this could be easily hailed as the next volkswagen.

djno hahaigiveup

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 1st, 2003 at 12:07 am and is filed under rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.